Don’t trust. Don’t believe. Know, or accept not knowing.
I’m speaking to the experience of the traumatized, the person who is no longer able or willing to trust, because in my experience, there are cases when I absolutely trust, without knowing, precisely.
I don’t trust that my wife loves me or has my back or best interests in mind. I don’t believe it. I know it, based on her words which are in alignment with her actions to date.
I know that my five-year old has an abundance of positive feelings for me based on her actions to date. I also know that she is mercurial and might just as soon shout a tantrum when I don’t let her access the kiddy YouTube on my laptop. But I know the tantrum might come and I’m emotionally prepared for it. I also know that nine out of ten times she’ll be back to hug me before sleep just because she feels that.
I don’t know what my ex was feeling when she took out that knife and threatened me that time, but she’s my ex now for a reason. I didn’t stick around to trust things might change or believe in the power of positive vibes to change her. I just knew that wasn’t the place for me.
So don’t trust. Don’t believe. Know. Know based on your own observations and experience. You will never be let down again.
Times when I trust without knowing include driving on rainy, mountain roads. I trust other drivers to handle their cars and my own to do what it must. But this trust is based on experience supported with a healthy amount of skepticism and caution because, again, experience. Some people just don’t know how to drive, and accidents happen.
I trust my daughter’s kindergarten teachers, without knowing precisely, because of my daughter’s observable demeanor after school, my interactions with the teachers and the fact that to date there has never been a report of malfeasance of any kind. So this trust is still based on a little knowledge, but it’s not a hundred percent.
I trust vaccines and the doctors giving them, even in a world gone mad with antivax hype. I trust the science because it appears that people are getting healthier and living longer, though I’m far from certain about the real mechanics of the whole thing. It’s a risk I’m consciously taking, weighing the pros and cons, making a decision with the health and lives of my family in the balance.
So don’t trust or believe, blindly. Make your decisions based on the facts of your knowledge, observations and experience.
…is a Saiva Tantrika, Gyana Yogi and founder of Uma Maheshwara Yoga & Ayurveda. David has an MA in Semiotics, lives in Japan with his family and works as a coach in L & D, devoting his time to developing science-based tools and programs that help people reach the fullest potential of the human condition.